Why does the girl always have to play it cool?

And have you ever noticed how playing it cool almost definitely guarantees that you will turn into a stark raving mad lunatic?

Because “playing it cool” means we sit around and analyze. Every. Little. Thing. And then before you know it you’re the crazy woman shut up in the attic a la Jane Eyre.

And all the rules that tell you how to “play it cool:”

Don’t respond to his text message right away. Wait a few minutes so you don’t look too free but not too busy either. Great plan! Waiting 11.38 minutes to respond will certainly make him realize how awesome I am!

Be available but not too available. Say you’re busy the first day he suggests for a date. Amazing! I definitely should stay home and watch Justin Bieber videos on a Friday instead of going out with someone who actually is interested in going out with me.

Wait until the he has made 37.6 grand, sweeping gestures that declare his undying love and devotion before you do something nice for him. So smart! I’ll act like I could care less because that is the sure fire way to show him I’m into him.

Whatever you do, DO NOT ask him out. Not for drinks, not for coffee, not for anything. Why didn’t I think of this one before? It makes so much sense to ignore a person that I want to hangout with!

Just insert an obscene amount of waiting by the phone, reading into things that mean nothing, telling yourself to “keep the crazy in check” and “act normal,” and find a few friends who give perennially enlightening advice like “just remember to play it cool, girl.” And you’re totally on your way to a life of love and happiness.

Which brings me back to the original question: why does the girl always have to play it cool?

Why is it that when men do nice things for a girl it’s romantic, but if a woman does something she’s desperate and/or psycho?

One of my Lenten resolutions is to stop being someone else’s version of me. So I’m going to stop attempting to play it cool.

Because lets be reasonable. I watch Justin Bieber videos on YouTube. I’m more Bridget Jones than Princess Kate. And being the cool girl doesn’t prevent you from sailing on the good ship disappointment towards the isles of heartache and disaster. So I’m just going to be my slightly neurotic and sometimes crazy but completely passionate, honest, authentic self.

If you want a girl that can “play it cool,” she’s not me.

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