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This isn’t a ‘Dear John’ letter.

6 Nov

It’s a Dear Dan letter.

And it goes something like this.

Dear Dan,

Thank you for making me feel like Eva Mendes. She’s well, you know, sort of my girl crush.

Have you seen Hitch? Do you remember the scene in the bar, with the bad apple martini? It’s THAT Eva Mendes. So thank you, because I love Eva Mendes.

There I was, sitting in the airport, peacefully reading my book. And you came over. You ignored my headphones, my obvious interest in my book, and the ‘f*ck off’ sign I had above my head. You had, as you say, been ‘staring at me for thirty minutes’ (because that’s not creepy at all) and just ‘had to come say hi.’

I admire your persistence Dan. After I turned down your offer of a drink (three times), even though the bar was only a stone’s throw away and we had hours until the flight left, you just kept talking.

You told me how you live with your mother. At age 27. And how you have a tiny yippie frou-frou dog. And how you had never done this before, but those three glasses of white zinfandel really just gave you courage. And how this “just wasn’t awkward at all!”

Seriously? You had me at ‘living at home.’ 

And even after I told you I was seeing someone (huge dude, tons of muscles, in the mob, etc.), you just kept talking. You offered me more wine. You asked me to share things about myself (I declined) and you overshared about yourself (gag). You asked me to meet up in Texas. I told you that I watch Criminal Minds and no, no thank you.

You just wouldn’t take a hint. I was really enjoying my book Dan. 

Even when I blatantly did not close my iPad, did not fully remove my headphones, and openly texted my sister to emergency-911-avoid-the-crazies call me, you were still there. Talking.

So thank you, for the compliment of coming over. Truly, thank you.

But the next time you’ve had three glasses of wine and think its a good idea to talk to the girl reading a book with her headphones in sitting a few seats away in the airport lounge?

Yeah…keep that idea to yourself. Because I didn’t have Will Smith hovering nearby to save me.

Sincerely and xo,

cakerypapery

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One Response to “This isn’t a ‘Dear John’ letter.”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Dear 2012… « cakerypapery - January 3, 2013

    […] We laughed a bit with the “I’m trying to have a creepy airport hookup in the sky lounge” guy. […]

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