The Juice Cleanse.

21 Aug

Or, as it’s better known “being hangry for three days.”

hangry: the state of being so hungry you get angry.

In other words, hungry+angry=hangry. (I was a math major, you know.)

Right around the time this post is being published, I’ll be knee deep in the third day of a juice cleanse. (And in an all-day client meeting where donuts, danish, and cuban sandwiches will be served. FML.)

What exactly is said “juice cleanse,” and why am I, lover of all things fried, sweet, or alcoholic, undertaking such an endeavor?

Well dear friends, it was time to get serious about this whole “eating healthy” and “detox” thing.

So, I considered three factors:

  1. I can be a bit lazy. No healthy food? I’ll just have wine for dinner.
  2. I might be a bit of a humble brag and/or competitive.
  3. I work well with things that have rules. Rules are that are easy to follow.

I’ve been thinking about juice cleansing for a while (because the “master cleanse” sounds tres mis) and I really do need to get back on track with eating healthy. And when I considered the above three factors, it just seemed to make sense. I went with a program at my local yoga studio, where they pre-make all the juices for you. (see #1).

For the last two days, I’ve had nothing but four 16 oz. juices and two smoothies a day. And let me tell you, this liquid diet thing blows goats.

Juice CleanseSee? Juice cleansing. While at work. That counts as multi-tasking, right? And no, that did not taste “even better than it looks!”

They say that after day two your cravings for processed foods goes away. FALSE. I would love some cheese fries right now.

They say you have tons of energy and feel rejuvenated. FALSE. I’m exhausted and just want to sleep.

Did I mention caffeine is against the rules?

However, I plan on bragging the shizzle out of completing a juice cleanse when I’m done. (see #2). Which is why I haven’t had a single cup of coffee, diet coke, or anything thats off plan. (see #3).

Instead, I’ve done productive stuff like sand the walls in my closet, prime the closet walls, and write on my blog. Good girl.

I don’t have any crazy stories yet, just that I’m scared to eat solid food on Thursday…wish me luck.



3 Responses to “The Juice Cleanse.”

  1. Cakerypapery Sister August 22, 2013 at 9:37 pm #

    1. I had beer and jellybeans for dinner last night.
    2. You went from steak with blue cheese to juice cleanse.
    3. Your hangriness was intense yesterday.


  2. mariehermannwrites September 3, 2013 at 12:07 am #

    So what happened after you ate solid food? Was it a war zone in the powder room? lol
    I’ve been wanting to do a juice cleanse myself. I did it for a few days back in January. It was rough, but after a while I actually did feel better. I quit coffee for 6 months and replaced it with morning juice. ….But then I went back to coffee, and burgers, and pizza, and…. Let’s just say it’s about that time again!

    • cakerypapery September 8, 2013 at 8:36 pm #

      I didn’t have any problems (luckily…). I feel like I wasn’t as hungry the first few days after. I definitely was feeling full sooner, after eating smaller meals.

      I’m back on the caffeine – but only one cup per day.

      And yes, I ate cheese fries again.

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