If Not Now, When?

So. It’s officially the third day of 2014.

What’s the deal with this whole “new year” anyway? It’s sort of, well, anti-climatic if you ask me. Nothing really happens when the year changes.

(Except for all the expected “my best just asked me to marry him!!!” posts that fill up my facebook feed. Do you think those girls pay for parking??)

But the New Year. Nothing at all is different, but somehow everything has changed.

It was Tuesday, then Wednesday, Thursday, and now Friday.

Do I make resolutions? Do I not? Do I resolve to not make any more resolutions? It’s just all…so…overated. And there’s too much pressure. What if I fail?

So this year, I’m not making resolutions.

(No, I’m not resolving to stop making resolutions. Because that’s lame.)

2014. No resolutions. Just intentions. Each day, to do something that I intend to do. And to stick with it. Three days down, 361 to go.

Whether it’s answering an email the same day, taking down the Christmas decorations, hitting the gym, or just being a better person, 2014 is set to be a year of intentions.

And I intend to do lots of things. Like read more books (goal for the year? 20). Do lots of yoga. Listen to my heart more. Live, love, laugh, and just do me.

The most amazing thing about being yourself — no one else can do it but you. Pretty amazing, right?

Because, if not now, when?

Nothing at all is different, but somehow everything has changed.

If not now, when?

Cheers, to making it a year of intentions, one day at a time.

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Eh, it’s Wednesday. Let’s Dubstep.

Lately, I’ve noticed that I’m having the “eh, it’s XXX day” trend.

Which, is nothing to write home about, except that I could use a little pick me up.

So, because it’s Wednesday, and we all could use something to smile about, and in case you haven’t seen it yet, and in case you have, cheers to the latest Geico commercial.

Original.

And dubstep.

What day is it again?

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The Juice Cleanse.

Or, as it’s better known “being hangry for three days.”

hangry: the state of being so hungry you get angry.

In other words, hungry+angry=hangry. (I was a math major, you know.)

Right around the time this post is being published, I’ll be knee deep in the third day of a juice cleanse. (And in an all-day client meeting where donuts, danish, and cuban sandwiches will be served. FML.)

What exactly is said “juice cleanse,” and why am I, lover of all things fried, sweet, or alcoholic, undertaking such an endeavor?

Well dear friends, it was time to get serious about this whole “eating healthy” and “detox” thing.

So, I considered three factors:

1. I can be a bit lazy. No healthy food? I’ll just have wine for dinner.
2. I might be a bit of a humble brag and/or competitive.
3. I work well with things that have rules. Rules are that are easy to follow.

I’ve been thinking about juice cleansing for a while (because the “master cleanse” sounds tres mis) and I really do need to get back on track with eating healthy. And when I considered the above three factors, it just seemed to make sense. I went with a program at my local yoga studio, where they pre-make all the juices for you. (see #1).

For the last two days, I’ve had nothing but four 16 oz. juices and two smoothies a day. And let me tell you, this liquid diet thing blows goats.

See? Juice cleansing. While at work. That counts as multi-tasking, right? And no, that did not taste “even better than it looks!”

They say that after day two your cravings for processed foods goes away. FALSE. I would love some cheese fries right now.

They say you have tons of energy and feel rejuvenated. FALSE. I’m exhausted and just want to sleep.

Did I mention caffeine is against the rules?

However, I plan on bragging the shizzle out of completing a juice cleanse when I’m done. (see #2). Which is why I haven’t had a single cup of coffee, diet coke, or anything thats off plan. (see #3).

Instead, I’ve done productive stuff like sand the walls in my closet, prime the closet walls, and write on my blog. Good girl.

I don’t have any crazy stories yet, just that I’m scared to eat solid food on Thursday…wish me luck.

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CP and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Ever had a bad day?

I mean, like a reallllly bad day.

The kind that is so epically bad you have surpassed Bridget Jones turkey-curry buffet status and just gone straight to “are you sh*tting me life?”

Well, this was me a few weeks ago. It was such an epically bad day that its taken me this long to write about it.

First, my office was under construction, so I had been getting shuffled from random cube spot to random cube for about a week. I was a box/bag lady, just carrying loads of file folders from one locale to the next. But this was the least of my worries.

Given that it was nearly 100+ degrees out, I found it odd that my AC wasn’t cooling the house off. OH WAIT. That’s because it was broken. And not like “oh you just need a new hose” broken, we are talking busted-broken. As in, not fixable.

Goodbye shoe budget…

Luckily, the bright side was that it was Friday. And I only had 60-something hours on my time sheet. It’s the little things, right?

Then, I had a crafting fail.

As I was carefully trying kitchen twine around lovingly constructed invites to a summer bbq (post to follow), my sister rolls up and goes “I’m pretty sure you have the RSVP phone number wrong.”

#FML.

Did I mention the final owner of the invites proofread them?

To make matters even more miserable, I proceeded to drive home. Where I forgot to put the prius in park. And rolled into my garage door. Making a dent. #FMLx2.

Needless to say, I ended the night by drinking wine.

Straight from the bottle.

But hey, at least parking in my driveway is free.

It could always be worse.

Alternate title?

I’m not the only one who has been dumped via text message.

Although, I’m not so sure I’m in good company, given that it’s also happened to K-Fed, Charlie Sheen, and Simon Cowell. Full details here.

In other news…HuffPo is all up in my grill and posted their own story on wedding photo fails, which you can check out and then determine that mine is clearly better. And was posted first.

Lastly, can we all just agree that Hillary’s Twitter description is simply the tits? Because regardless if you love her or hate her, it’s pretty awesome that even as Sec of State, she’s not afraid to take life too seriously. Her profile photo is the epic “why so serious on your blackberry Hils” image and the description? Wife, mom, lawyer, women & kids advocate, FLOAR, FLOTUS, US Senator, SecState, author, dog owner, hair icon, pantsuit aficionado, glass ceiling cracker, TBD..

Love it. Because really, life is just too short to take that seriously.

Never Eat Alone? Meh.

So this week I’m traveling for work…AGAIN.

Which means I have a lot of time…and meals…alone.

Now, normally, I don’t mind eating alone. (Or drinking alone for that matter.) And there are all sorts of places and times and occasions that I LOVE eating alone at. But tonight, I was at a super-hip, fun bar in Philadelphia (The Corner) and I actually found myself nervous about eating alone.

Was it because I was at a non-iPad approved restaurant, so I didn’t have my normal cover of reading/checking email/playing triple town, like I can normally do at Starbucks/PF Changs/TGIFridays/other mediocre restaurants of the world?

Or was it because I wasn’t at a hotel-airport-happy hour-type bar, where its “acceptable” to eat alone?

I can’t decide what was making me feel uneasy.

It’s not because I cared what other diners thought about me eating alone (because I’m never going to see those people again in my life, and who cares anyways), and it’s not because I didn’t like the restaurant I was at (because as we all know I pre-researched and had literally picked out my dinner options before I left the hotel).

It’s likely because I wasn’t doing…ANYTHING.

And I’m conditioned to always be doing SOMETHING.

No matter what time of day, I’m doing things. Whether I’m at work, at home, out & about, I’m always doing something. So it makes me uneasy to just sit at a bar and do nothing (okay, technically I was eating and drinking…). But since I was on my own, it automatically made me feel like I was doing nothing.

So, what do I do? Practice eating alone more? Practice doing nothing more? Learn how to sit still?

How do I learn how to be okay with doing nothing?

Because I can’t order room service at this hotel (it’s from Chili’s, and there is only so much chips and salsa I can eat…)

Rules of Civility: Could. Not. Stop. Reading.

I just finished the best book. It was phenomenal. And I’m not just saying that because I am starved for pleasure reading and thus readasmanypagesaspossiblewhenevergiventhechance.

My latest amazing read was Rules of Civility by Amor Towles.

It was one part Great Gatsby, one part Gossip Girl, and one part Girls.

The story follows two girl friends trying to make it in NYC in the late 1930s. Throw in a chance meeting with a rich bachelor at a dive bar…and the story takes off from there.

It’s not so much a scandalous story as it is a real life story. It was like reading about my early twenties, only with more fabulous clothes and jazz clubs. And let’s be reasonable – what girl hasn’t been in the tripod situation before? We all know that two girls and one guy can never be just friends, especially when girl A likes the guy who likes girl B. It just doesn’t work.

But, we have all been there, and we have all been on both sides of it – it’s just the way life and relationships go.

And the main character? Katey Kontent? Love her. She navigates up the NYC social strata and has a fabulous time doing it, all in between her secretary job and fifteen-cent gin martinis. LOVE HER.

Read this book. No, seriously, read this book.

Friday Find: Catfish

So…I might have developed a slight fascination with the MTV show Catfish…

Why? Because there’s nothing better to do during your birthday weekend than watch trashy reality tv…

Oh, and I might have definitely downloaded the original Catfish documentary and watched it too…DON’T JUDGE.

So. What exactly is a “catfish”?

Well, according to the original documentary, catfish used to be packed into shipping containers with other live fish to help keep the live fish alive during shipping. As one man in the Catfish movie said, he’s grateful for the catfish in life because it would be dull and boring without a fish nipping at your toes.

So a “catfish” is a person who keeps you on your toes.

OR NOT.

A catfish is a person who pretends to be someone else online, usually for the purpose of entering into an online romantic relationship. Like, say, what happened to Manti Te’O.

(And seriously, MTV could not have planned the premiere of Catfish and the leaking of the Te’O story any better unless they had actually planned it themselves.)

So what fascinates me about Catfish?

• Some of these people are in year-long relationships with people they have never ever laid eyes on in real life before…like, ever. I mean, I suppose its the modern day equivalent of being pen pals with someone…but lets be real. “I don’t have Skype” just doesn’t cut it anymore.
• It’s not like this is the age of AOL. Do a Google search image search people! Or just a basic Google search. Ask my mother—she’ll tell you it’s the first thing you do when you (or in her case her daughter) starts dating someone. Are the people getting scammed really this naive and they don’t google? Or, am I just always thinking the worst?
• That there are actually people who are crazy enough to catfish someone. Every time I watch the show, and the person on it has something insane like 32 fake online profiles, all I think is, “do people like this really exist?” Catfishing someone is just so…wrong.

The people who get scammed on the show are so…likeable and endearing and I always really want it to work out for them…but then I think to bullets 1&2 above and I’m like “get smart people!”…and you know the bad ending is always coming but you can’t stop watching.

Guilty pleasure? Yes.

Fascinating? Completely.

The first season of Catfish has ended, but you can watch all the episodes online…perfect for a Catfish marathon.

Blinding Nemo

Or, as us Rochester people refer to it, “winter.”

Given that I live practically in Canada, I shouldn’t be in the least freaked out by winter storm Nemo. But since I’m high maintenance unprepared for snow, I’m hiding out at my parents house for the weekend. Meaning, I need to be someplace with rations, both the food and crushed grape variety.

And since there is only so much L&O: SVU I can watch (hulu+? LOVE IT), I’ve discovered SEVERAL amusing things on the interwebs during my stay at Cellar Klem.

1. A CNN article which refers to people in California needing “tire chains” since there was TWO INCHES of snow on the ground. Man up, California. 
2. This odd but sort-of-worth-coveting iPad toilet paper stand. It’s just what I need to complete my shoilet.
3. And Maleficent is only 14 on this countdown of the Disney crazy? Although the creepy coachman from Pinocchio is straight out of an episode of Criminal Minds crossed with an acid trip.
4. Lil’ Kim. WTF? You did this to your face? ON PURPOSE? That girl is cray cray.

And my most favorite thing.

(So far.)

The. Best. Bachelor. Recap. Ever. Can I be friends with this guy? Please? Pretty please? You had me at “homeless pirate with a latte.”

Now, if you excuse me, I’ve got some more L&O to catch up on.

Book Reviews: My Vacation Reads

One of my favorite things about traveling is that it gives me the opportunity to read things. Things I actually want to read. Like books. Opposed to what I get to read all day long, which is white papers and research reports and creative briefs and excel spreadsheets.

Here’s the list I read through on the scuba trip.

1. The Front Porch Prophet by Raymond L. Atkins — This one had a slow start, but I loved how the story unfolded. The story is about two childhood friends, one battling terminal cancer and the other battling his friend’s request to help end his life. The story is told in a mix of present day and flashbacks, and as much as it deals with a heavy topic, it was full of humor. 
2. The Round House by Louise Erdrich — I honestly couldn’t put this down. There’s crime, Native American politics, friendship, and a really good ending, although not necessarily a happy one. Normally I read the end first, but this time I made myself wait, and it was worth it.
3. Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk by Ben Fountain — I have mixed feelings on this book. Mostly because it was hard to read to the end, but I wanted to find out what happens. It follows a young Iraq war veteran as he attends a Dallas Cowboys football game and the accompanying halftime show. This book will make you think.

Oh, and I also read Merry Christmas, Alex Cross. Not the best Alex Cross, but it was a good, quick read for on the plane.

Right now I’m reading Cover of Snow by Jenny Milchmann. But, I probably won’t finish it until I go on my next vacation. Which, with my work schedule…looks to be never.

What is on your reading list?