And then I made the Most Epic Mac & Cheese. With Bacon.

So I was out in le Texas visiting CPBF, who happens to be pretty awesome.

We went and stalked the longhorns.

And some cows.

Silver Cow.

Black cow.

Then we went to Hullabaloos. And Freebirds.

Like I said, pretty awesome.

So I made CPBF some epic macaroni and cheese. With bacon.

Because everything is better with bacon.

I wasn’t as much of a food pornographer as I normally am (probably too many mojitos and stalking hanging out with CPBF out at the grill…) but I still think it looks good.

And did I mention I wasn’t cooking on home turf? Always. Intimidating.

Here’s the deal. You melt the butter, whisk in the flour. (No whisk? Use a fork.) This is the ‘roux’ part which you need to thicken stuff up. Add in the milk, and cook over medium-low heat…until it thickens up. Make sure you keep stirring. Patience people!

Then, add in the cheddar & gruyere cheese, and whisk until smooth.

While the whole milk-thickening business is going on, boil some water for the pasta.

DO NOT add olive oil to the water. Hugest myth in pasta making. Oil will coat the pasta, and prevent your sauce from sticking to it. Do not add olive oil. Just some salt.

When you drain the pasta, reserve some of the cooking water – in case you need it to loosen up the sauce. (I doubt you will, but justin, justin case…)

So, after you drain the pasta, mix it with the cheese sauce, and pour into a baking dish. Top with the bacon, some more cheese, and 15 minutes later, epic mac and cheese.

I always put a cookie sheet under the pan while baking, in case stuff bubbles over.

Not going to lie, this was pretty awesome sauce. (and I don’t say that about everything I make, just some things.)

Macaroni & Cheese with Bacon Recipe:

• 8 – 12 oz. dry pasta, preferably elbows or similar shape
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1/4 cup flour
• 2 cups whole milk
• 2 1/2 cups sharp white cheddar, grated
• 1 1/2 cups gruyere, grated
• 6 – 8 slices applewood smoked bacon

Preheat the oven to 375F. Cut the bacon into 1-inch pieces, and cook until crisp. In a saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat. Add in the flour and whisk until smooth. Slowly add in the whole milk, whisking continually. Continue whisking until mixture thickens, about 10 minutes. Add in all of the gruyere and 2 cups of the cheddar. Stir until melted.

When you start the butter, put on a pot of water to boil for the pasta. Cook until al dente and drain, reserving some of the cooking water. When the cheese sauce is ready, mix together the cheese sauce and the pasta, and pour into a casserole dish. Top with the bacon, and remaining 1/2 cup grated cheddar. Bake at 375F for 15 to 20 minutes, until cheese is melted and sauce is bubbling.

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Good Luck Chuck?

I have a feeling…I’m a good luck chuck.

I know what you’re thinking. “Good luck chucks” don’t exist. They aren’t real. Fiction. Imagination. Figments of your drunken “dammit why did I call/text/sleep with” him mind.

I beg to differ.

I, cakerypapery, am a Good Luck Chuck. (minus the fact that I do not at all look like this.)

Now, like any good CSI NCIS agent profiler, you should be asking, “cakerypapery, why?”

Let’s just say that…through drunken texting not-so-flattering methods I’ve discovered that not one, not two, but FOUR ex bfs are now either happily dating or engaged. Dating, okay. But ENGAGED? ARE YOU SHI*TTING ME LIFE??

Point of reference: before you say that it’s “just a matter of time,” we are talking multiple recent exes. Within the period of “wow, that serious already?” timeframe.

Not to mention, our lovely january dirtbag is also back online dating.

(yes, I stalked.)

(and yes, that line about being “overwhelmed” was really just a crock of sh*t. since he’s already looking for a new girl ONLINE.)

(And seriously, I don’t ever want to encounter a “crock of sh*t” in real life. I bet it would smell. Bad.)

And no, aforementioned guys aren’t serial monogamists. Apparently, all it takes is a nice Catholic girl like me to break the ice. AWESOME. Glad I could help out with that.

Which just proves that all the reasons people use to break up, especially the “it’s not you, it’s me” line, are really la verdad. Because, guess what? IT’S NOT ME, IT IS YOU. and, you are just NOT THAT INTO ME.

If anyone (man or woman), needs a handy dandy powerpoint reference to help them remember that busy is the kiss of the death and you deserve a freaking phone call, shoot me an email.

til then, throw that fish back into the sea. Better yet, throw it onto dry land before some other person is tricked into hooking it.

A great post involving a sure fire way to get over someone (and not by getting under someone) to follow. Let’s just say…milk, jameo and some serious DIY.

When I’m done being bitter, maybe I’ll be slightly flattered that I have this amazing ability to make people realize what they really want. Which, as a consequence of said magical powers, usually happens to not be me. sigh…insert Bridget Jones reference here…

My Mom is awesome, but that book is cursed.

My mom is awesome sauce.

She taught me how to cook. And that you should eat the broken cookies before someone sees them. And she’s very crafty, especially skilled in sewing buttons back onto a certain red coat of mine.

But what makes her most awesome is that she always has my back.

Take this weekend. My dad was grilling me like a juicy steak about why I wasn’t seeing a guy I had been dating anymore.

Dad: “Come on, give me some dirt!”

Mom: “The only dirt you need to know is that if he doesn’t like our daughter then that guy is a dirtbag!”

And that is why I love my mom.

See, she even laughs when I do funny things to my pregnant sister.

(In related news, I swear the ex-boyfriend book I used to craft is cursed. While it did make amazingly good paper flowers, said paper flowers were displayed at a party where aforementioned guy-i’m-no-longer-seeing decided that he just wasn’t that into me. Bad ex-boyfriend book karma?)